


Things People Shouldn't Do

by Those_Who_Wander



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Childhood Sexual Abuse, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, PTSD RECOVERY, Past Child Abuse, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Treat People With Kindness
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-26
Updated: 2020-11-26
Packaged: 2021-03-10 05:48:53
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,341
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27728365
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Those_Who_Wander/pseuds/Those_Who_Wander
Summary: " “Can’t you just, I don’t know, get along with him for a week or so? Maybe it’ll be different.”Zayn makes a bitter face.Harry is still moving forwards but Zayn backs away, shaking his head from side to side like he’s trying not to look at things creeping in the corners of his vision.“I - I can’t ‘Arry. I just can’t.” "-------------------------------------------------------------------------Harry and Zayn talk at the end of One Direction's third tour. Zayn doesn't want to stop drinking. Harry is determined to understand, and learns about treating people with kindness.Note: Friendship. Can be read as a pairing.
Relationships: Zayn Malik & Harry Styles, Zayn Malik/Harry Styles
Kudos: 17





	Things People Shouldn't Do

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: This is fiction.

# Things People Shouldn't Do

____

“I hate going home.”

Harry hiccoughs and looks at Zayn incredulously. They finally have a break from their third tour, and Zayn has talked everyone’s ears off about his mum’s cooking for months. Again. They’ve watched him video-call his family with fondness in every word, and the family seemed so close when he met them. Fun and kind and relaxed.

“I thought you loved your family like, more than practically anyone I’ve ever seen.” He takes another swig of his beer. His seventh, he thinks. Possibly eighth. And there was vodka earlier, that was definitely a bad decision.

They’re in a hotel room on the second to last night of the tour. At three in the morning, everyone else went to bed at least an hour ago but Zayn puts it off and off, strangely keen to keep drinking. He really wants a blunt but he’s holding back. Harry looks at him, seeing something jittering under the surface.

“My family’s great.” 

Zayn’s shoulder twitches as he says it, and he doesn’t look Harry in the eye.

“But …?”

“My family’s great. Just not quite all of them.” Zayn winces as he grudgingly gets the words out.

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“My uncle’s, ah, not that great.”

Harry frowns, trying to work out whether this is some weird joke. 

“Not that great?” 

Zayn looks at him “’Arry.”

“Sorry. It’s just … everyone has family that’s not that great.” He waves his hands awkwardly.

Zayn huffs a breath out of his nose and looks away, thumb tapping on his arm.

Harry moves towards him, questioning.

“Can’t you just, I don’t know, get along with him for a week or so? Maybe it’ll be different.”

Zayn makes a bitter face.

Harry is still moving forwards but Zayn backs away, shaking his head from side to side like he’s trying not to look at things creeping in the corners of his vision.

“I - I can’t ‘Arry. I just can’t.”

Harry stills.

“Have you ever tried?”

Zayn sits down on the bed and frowns up at him like he’s insane.

“I. _Of course_ I tried. Try. I try every time I have to visit. But he just … pushes and pushes all the bloody time. He’s the kind of person who just pushes again and again and again and if you don’t push back he keeps pushin’ until there’s nothing left of you. Just something disgusting and slimy that you don’t want to look at.” 

He hiccoughs, and thinks the vodka earlier was definitely a bad decision.

Harry frowns, lost. Not a usual not-wanting-to-go-home then. He slowly comes and sits next to Zayn, and his hands twitch as though he wants to take Zayn’s hand but doesn’t know if it would scare him or not.

“It’s okay, you know. Whatever it is … I mean with me. I mean I’ve got your back.”

Zayn is silent, and then shakes his head slowly.

“No, no it’s not.” He takes a shaky breath. “My Uncle he …” Zayn stops and stares seriously off to the side while the other man goes still and tense beside him.

Harry thinks he looks almost afraid.

“He … when … I mean it was a long time ago he … “ the words __\- and I was very young -_ _ hang unspoken in the air.

Harry consciously tries to relax and keep his expression open, even though he has the shadow of a thought of what’s coming, and it makes his insides clench.

“I don’t really, like, the memories aren’t clear they’re more like impressions and feelings. And they feel like the most disgusting thing you can imagine. But the first time I realised – I read this story in the paper, and it got to me and I was lying on the ground just looking up at the trees moving – and my mind just brought up this _thing _, an’ then I jus’ couldn’ stop cryin’- ” He breaks off, and breathes for a second.__

__“And it was like I felt ‘im right there, with ‘is … and he was …” Zayn gestures inarticulately. “He was like …” He trails off, breathing heavily, tries not to sob and starts again._ _

__“But afterwards it was like, I dunno, like the air was clearer. Like I could really connect with what was ‘round me. And I wasn’t scared of being on my own at night for like the first time. I never thought I could feel like tha'.” He gives a watery smile. Harry tries to smile back, feeling proud even though he doesn’t think he has the right to. It comes out tighter and sadder than he intended._ _

__Harry doesn’t make him say it. He knows there are things people shouldn’t do to children. Ways people shouldn’t touch them. Shouldn’t invade them. Ways they shouldn’t be hurt. He gently touches the back of his hand to Zayn’s like it’s the most important thing in the world, and draws his mind back to the here and now when Zayn speaks._ _

__“It wasn’t like bad. Like-like I wasn’t raped -” The words blurt out, sounding harsh. “At least, I don’t think. I don’t know exactly … . But I don’t think I was. Think that would feel different.”_ _

__Harry swallows, trying to make it quiet. He thinks he shouldn't feel relieved, but somehow he's so relieved he wants to cry._ _

__“Zayn …“ Harry tries. He has to say that anything was bad. He needs to make sure that Zayn knows that even if that’s true, whatever it was it wasn’t okay._ _

__“And you know what … haha … I’m pretty sure tha' on some level my parents are aware. They just don’t want to see it _so badly_ that they just … don’t. Whenever something happens or anything they … somehow it doesn’t register with them. I feel like, on some deep fuckin’ level their minds would genuinely rather escape the big bad thing than help their chil-“_ _

__

__His voice cracks on the last word, and a little bit of Harry breaks._ _

__

__Harry carefully puts an arm around him, and Zayn collapses in on himself and curls into Harry’s shoulder._ _

__

__“And I love them and like they’re so great in every other way. I’m just tired.”_ _

__

__Harry frowns at that._ _

__

__“No … I think that’s a way you can feel. I mean I think it’s a very valid thing. It’s not just the tired.” Oh God he’s messing this up, and he wants so badly to find the right words._ _

__

__“But you know, he’s family and there are just things I ‘ave to do you know. That’s just how life is. I can’t not go home, I miss the others like crazy. And I’m bigger now and I don’t think he’ll really do anything, I just … I don’t like the way he touches me, with his hand on my hip or my thigh. Treats me like he has the right to touch me, an’ gets angry if I move away. And then my parents think I’m just being difficult.”_ _

__

__Once Harry’s stomach has stopped clenching around the words _‘I don’t think’_ and _‘really’_ like a dry brick, Harry slowly, giving Zayn every opportunity to look like he wants Harry to stop, puts his hands on Zayn’s shoulders and turns them to look him in the eye with absolute seriousness._ _

____

__“Zayn … no-one has the right to touch you. No-one. Not without your permission. Not even your uncle. No-one.”_ _

____

__He pulls Zayn against his side again, and Zayn quietly puts both arms around Harry’s waist and his head on his shoulder, exhausted. To Harry, he suddenly feels heavy. Harry focuses on keeping his breathing even and his arms firm and strong. Solid, and there for as long as Zayn needs him._ _

____

__Zayn tries to speak, but his voice sticks in his throat._ _

____

__He knows it’s late, and they desperately need to sleep because they have the biggest show tomorrow and they can’t mess it up. He’s suddenly so very tired, and when he finds his voice it comes out small._ _

____

__“Could you stay? Just to sleep I mean. ‘Arry, could you stay and just … hold me?”_ _

__

__

__“Always.”_ _

____

__

**Author's Note:**

> Zayn's experience with the trees is loosely based on how psychologist Dr Francine Shapiro discovered the PTSD treatment Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR). It is discussed in detail in a book by Professor Bessel van der Kolk called 'The Body Keeps the Score'.


End file.
